A Word On Names

by Mrs. Jones

I was watching Mr. Jones play Madden earlier this evening and I have noticed two things.

The first is about Chicago. Just by the names of their teams, one can assume that the city is gay.

The Football team: The Bears. Also a name for big, burly gay men.

The Baseball Team: The Cubs. Also a name for little scrawny gay men who are involved with

bears.

It’s nice to see a city get along so well.

The Basketball Team: The Bulls. Doesn’t really fit. Maybe they should rename them “The

Silly-Nannys”

Second, I love weird names. I grew up near Pittsburgh, and my father is a hockey fan. I was so excited when Kasparitis was the goalie. Every time he made a save my father (who LOVES bad puns) and I would joke, “So-and-so has a bad case of Kasparitis!” Terrible, I know, but we loved it.

But, getting back to the Madden game I was watching….

Mr. Jones was, as usual, playing as the Browns with Dave Zastudil as the punter (aaaaand punt!). Now Zastudil sounds much like a type of cold medication. Something that Stephen Colbert would hock for Prescott Pharmaceuticals. “Zastudil: It’ll kick the snot out of you!”

Some other names I enjoy:

*Emeka Okafor – Fun to say…if you say it fast, you sound a little retarded.

*Mosiula Mea’alofa (Lofa) Tatupu – I can’t even say it, and I’m good at this thing.

*D’Brickshaw Ferguson (or any name with the whole “D’ thing”) – I love how you can just make up a new name by adding a D apostrophe. Or a “La” for that matter.

*Atari Bigby – Named for a game system

*Chris Fu-Amata Ma’afala – Grew up a Steelers fan. This is a great football name.

*Osi Umenyiora – Giant last name for a Giants lineman.

*Babatunde Oshinowo – Some weird language for “God give me victory”. You don’t get more football than that. And if you think this part of his name is bad, go look up his middle names. Yes, nameS.

*Touraj Houshmandzadeh (Championship!)– I had a long last name before I got married, so I can sympathize. TJ Housh-ma-zoolie! TJ Who’s-Your-Mama….I’ll have to list the mispronunciations of my maiden name someday….

* Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila – Hard to pronounce on sight. Poses a challenge. I like that.

*Adewale Ogunleye – Ogunleye…sounds like “googly eye”. Rolls off the tongue.

By the way, sidebar. I’m sick of all these people spelling “Sean” all weird. How does C-H-A-U-N spell “Sean”?. It spells CHON. I mean come on…Chone Figgins? It literally spells “Chone”. But, Shawn is also acceptable. All else is dumb. Also, Dunta does not say “Dante”. It says Duhn-ta. Learn to spell, asses!

Moving on…

*Naufahu Tahi – Sounds like a Hawaiian dish.

*Mewelde Moore – Good for you. I’m glad you weld more.

*Visanthe Shiancoe – Sounds like the lead in a Spanish language soap opera

*Kenechi Udeze – Mr. Jones says this name all the time. It’s “Ken-each-ee You-daze-ee”.

*Amobi Okoye – Again, fun to say.

*Tom Tupa – I just like saying it. Sounds like a Super Mario villain.

*Nnamdi Asomugha – New name I just found. I was excited.

If I have missed any names that you find odd or interesting, please feel free to comment and add them.

Stay tuned for more on odd names and musings.