Abortions 4 Cheap!

By Tony Mazur

Yet another story coming out of this secular, immoral country has touched a nerve of mine.

Planned Parenthood in Indiana has come up with the gift every young slut would love to have: a gift certificate. These gift certificates come in $25 increments, and they are available in 35 clinics statewide. Starting next week, clinics in Illinois will offer these gift certificates, just in time for the holidays.

Planned Parenthood is catching a lot of heat from Pro-Life activists, rightfully so. The company immediately went on the defensive, saying that 95% of Indiana patients come to Planned Parenthood for heath care, not abortions.

This is always a dicey subject for many, especially since I am a man and I don't have to go through female issues such as childbirth, menstruation, and, most notoriously, abortion. However, I am not gullible enough to believe that only 5% of the women who walk into Planned Parenthood get abortions. I do realize many women go there to purchase birth control pills, including the morning after pill. But birth control pills are typically prescribed by an OB-GYN, and morning after pills can be made available at your local pharmacy. So let's not exaggerate the numbers.

The touchy part of the abortion issue is whether the act of intercourse is consensual or not. I do not believe in the "you either gotta be Pro-Life or Pro-Choice" notion. I think that, in addition to Pro-Life and Pro-Choice, there should be a group for those who do not believe in abortion if the initial act was consensual, but would give women the choice of keeping or getting rid of the baby in the case that if she were raped. Many of my former classmates did the "Locomotion" through the doors of the Northeastern Ohio Planned Parenthood clinics. I didn't like the fact that their beaus didn't wrap "it" up, and I despised their pricey solution to a simple but huge mistake.

The problem with allowing gift certificates for pills and abortions is that it promotes irresponsible behavior. Girls can drink until sunrise, and, if there were any strapping gentlemen around, they can use their gift certificate in case they made any mistakes the previous night. And even if the act of intercourse is between two sober individuals, there should be no excuse. That is why I believe there is a vaccine for AIDS, but if it is made available to the public, people can have unprotected sex with multiple partners, then take a pill the next day and all is well.

Planned Parenthood has made a grave mistake on this one. But in this increasingly progressive society we're forced to live in, it's no surprise. I can't wait to see half-off on euthanasia coupons.