2013 NFL Draft insta-analysis Part 3

By The 21^st Century Media Alliance

Here are some notes from a chat involving various Media Alliance members as Day 1 of the NFL Draft unfolds.  Participants include FDH Senior Editor Jason Jones, FDH Managing Partner Rick Morris, FDH Lounge Dignitaries Mike Ptak, Chris Galloway and Paul Pasek, Sportsology proprietor Russ Cohen, Raymond Smalley of DOU Productions and Ben Chew of That NBA Lottery Pick and Outside the Boxscore.

Rick: What if that kid read off another name just to be a joker. Would it be legally binding?

Jason: Yeah Rick if you thought I wanted ammo to get back into the first before...
#iwantsharrif

Raymond: Kenny Vacaro is the third defensive back drafted by the New Orleans Saints in the first round since 2009. The Saints last drafted a safety in the first round in 1996 (Alex Molden).

Paul: That's awesome to contemplate lol. I'm getting drafted dudes. LOL

Jason: I wanted EJ to fall into the second. That pick hurts.

Raymond: The Buffalo Bills last selected a quarterback in 2004 when their second first round pick was JP Losman of Tulane. EJ Manuel is the third former Florida State Seminole chosen by the Bills within the previous two drafts.

Jason: Why is there always a player who has no business being on the board, when Pittsburgh is on the clock?

Russ: Red Wings syndrome.

Rick: It happens EVERY year, Jason. Without fail. But yeah, they're just that good. #YeahRight

Chris: Had hoped Browns would trade down and take Vaccaro. Steelers will take Jones.

Jason: They better take Jarvis Jones or a corner or safety. I can't live with the idea that the Steelers could have the #3 player regardless of position at 17.

Rick: Russ, if that happened to us all the time, we wouldn't be scuffling to get past the Columbus F'ing Jackets just to get in the playoffs.

Jason: Denver needs to trade up and grab Floyd on the quickness.

Chris: Cowboys will take Floyd.

Russ: Denver needs Peyton Manning to slip on a bar of soap.

Jason: Hey, watch your mouth!

Jason: FYI, I've had Jarvis Jones to PIT since like January, never changed.

Russ: Jets gave Elway life, remember that.

Jason: What?

Raymond: Jarvis Jones is the first linebacker selected by the Pittsburgh Steelers since Lawrence Timmons in 2007.

Russ: In 1998 Elway was given the AFC Title win by the Jets, who were up 10-0 at half. If Elway didn't win that game, he wouldn't have the same rep he now has.

Raymond: Purple & Gold. Purple & Gold. Purple & Gold. Purple & Gold.

Jason: They were still the better team. So, the better team won. And no one remembers who came in second (**twists the knife**).

Chris: Wow. Cinci will end up getting Floyd. Dang.

Rick: That is an atrocity, Chris.

Raymond: The San Francisco 49ers last chose a safety in the first round when they selected Dana Hall in 1992. Eric Reid is the sixth LSU alumni chosen by San Francisco, the third since 2009.

Raymond: The New York Giants last spent a first round choice on an offensive tackle twenty-five years ago in 1988. That offensive tackle was Eric Moore of Indiana.

Rick: Why is Berman even half-implying the Bengals will take Geno Smith? I mean, it's not as if he even does three minutes of homework for this thing, but still.

Rick: BTW, Chris, since you were fond of the name puns ... The Mingo ate our BAY-BEE!

Raymond: This is the second time in three drafts that the Chicago Bears have selected an offensive lineman in the first round. Chicago last used a first choice on a guard in 1960 (Roger Davis).

Raymond: Brady Quinn... The Quarterback who Cleveland hates and yet cant adequately judge because of the Iranian Lite Despotic regime which has ruled over the franchise since 1999.

Raymond: Given Jermaine Gresham still being on the roster, this is a very interesting pick.

Chris: Floyd keeps falling. Wow.

Jason: Keep on falling Mr. Sharrif Floyd. Fall all the way to Dove Valley, CO.

Rick: Talking to Ben on the phone right now and just said to him that maybe Cincy is going to imitate New England with the two big pass-catching TEs. Makes sense, since they don't have a WR2 that scares anyone.

Raymond: Tyler Eifert is the eighth Notre Dame alumnus selected by the Bengals. Only one before tonight, Defensive End Ross Browner, was selected in the first round.

Raymond: Desmond Trufant is the first cornerback selected in the first round by the Atlanta Falcons since the Dirty Birds took, in my best Chad Johnson voice, DeAngelo Fall in 2004.

Raymond: Actually the 2004 NFL Draft holds a special place in my heart because moments before that choice I was on the phone with Rick when he was screaming his off because Botch Davis had traded a two to rise one spot under the auspice of the eleventh commandment... He who hath coached at the U must draft players from the U.

Rick: That draft was hilarious. My FDH brotha Dave Adams, who always took great offense to my Botch Davis hatred, actually stormed out of my Draft Day party when I was foaming at the mouth about the Winslow deal. I thought he was kidding until he didn't come back!

Raymond: Our obligatory we must care about the troops moment... Even as this event has little to nothing to do with patriotism and much more to do with drunken people booing future millionaires on their night off from Home Depot.

Jason: DDAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNN IT!

Ben: Good pick by Minnesota.

Jason: Great pick, but I wanted him to fall a little further.

Chris: Yup.

Raymond: Sharrif Floyd is the first defensive tackle chosen by the Minnesota Vikings in the first round since Chris Hovan (2000).

Raymond: Sharif Floyd is also the fifth Florida Gator first round selection since 2010. This is of course our obligatory Tim Tebow moment as I take the responsibility of ensuring that God will spare most of us, striking only Rick, Ben, and Chris Galloway dead.

Rick: You better hope not, Smalls, the world cannot afford the loss of us.

Raymond: You, Rick, I will agree with. The other two 6-5 and pick em.

Rick: That's Too Cold, Scorpio.

Raymond: Then again, I bet heavy on a nice young Louisiana couple of a postman and a Dixie Pig waitress not naming their child Barkevious.

Rick: And a worthless little fat troll named Mike Lombardi drafting him.

Jason: Ok, new secondary homer point. With Floyd off, Werner off, Denver better be giving Margus Hunt some serious consideration.

Rick: Paul will love this ... Minnesota selects the Uncanny X-Man!

Raymond: Bjorn Werner is the second defensive end in the last four seasons drafted in the first round by the Indianapolis Colts. He is also the sixth defensive end the Colts have chosen within the first round in franchise history.

Raymond: Xavier Rhodes is the third Florida State Seminole chosen tonight, This is the first time that three who wore garnet and gold have been selected in the first round since Ernie Sims, Kamerion Wimbley, Brodrick Bunkley, and Antonio Cromartie were chosen in the first round of the 2006 NFL Draft.

Raymond: Datone Lewis is the first UCLA Bruin selected in the first round since the Jacksonville Jguars chose Mercedes Lewis twenty-eighth in 2006.

Jason: DeAndre Hopkins called that! With Patterson and Allen on the board.  Perfect compliment to Andre Johnson.

Rick: CBSSports.com must be psychic, because they had Houston's pick on their Draft Tracker before it was announced. In any event, SPOILER ALERT!

Raymond: DeAndre Hopkins is the eleventh wide receiver drafted by the Houston Texans within their short history. He is only the second in the first round (Andre Johnson).

Raymond: 11:11 Make A Wish.... I wish this cure for insomnia would conclude so I can watch Black Swan which is airing on FX Movie Channel... DOH! I said it out loud!

Jason: C'mon Margus Hunt. Eastern Block! Eastern Block! Eastern Block!

Rick: As Jason, with his Broncos wish, telegraphs yet another potential obstacle to his happiness tonight.

Jason: Should've seen that one coming.

Rick: Ah, decent value at least.

Raymond: Sylvester Williams is the first defensive tackle chosen by the Denver Broncos in the first round since This One's Run By John chose Trevor Pryce of Clemson in 1997.

Raymond: This John Clayton wearing a Slayer t-shirt really creeps me out... really creeps me out... Really REALLY creeps me out.

Jason: Patriots swindled the Vikings. Four picks to get back into the first? Crazy, but they had the picks to part with in any instance.

Rick: All in all, though, the Vikes are playing with house money more than anyone else tonight getting Floyd with that insane value.

Rick: Oh, boy, this is painful. Berman with his "I'm pretending that I understand there are things more important than sports because there was a tragedy" ruse.

Raymond: Was Chris seriously just reading that statement????

Raymond: And now Roger Goodell reading this????

Raymond: I want to vomit right now!

Rick: The ESPN and the NFL: using tragedy to get yourselves over in a manner that would make Vince McMahon blush.

Rick: Joe Andruzzi I got no problem with though, God Bless him.

Raymond: Chris Berman read some thing about first responders and now Roger Goodell is reading about some former Patriot ninety-nine of one hundred Patriots fans couldn’t pick out of a police lineup.

Raymond: Please, this would make Vince McMahon mass text: I ain’t never been this smarmy.

Rick: Russ, it was just insincere drivel about "things more important than sports." Frankly, those of us who are not emotionally stunted four-year-olds already know that.

Jason: Minnesota is doing some stuff.

Rick: Jason, think how dangerous the Vikes would be if they had a QB! And no, Ponder doesn't have more game just because he married some sideline reporter candy.

Raymond: Cordarrelle Patterson is the fourth wide receiver selected by the Minnesota Vikings in fifteen drafts. The previous choices were Percy Harvin, Troy Williamson, and Randy Moss.

Raymond: Morris... I believe she prefers to be referenced as sideline creme brule. #delish'

Raymond: Jason, tell me everything you can about Star Trek and by everything I mean who is the yummy blonde wearing lingerie...

Rick: If that's Mrs. Tim Hagan you're talking about, you need help.

Raymond: Rick, I have needed help for a decade-plus, let’s be honest.

Rick: GREAT pick by the Rams. Ogletree is going to be an interesting piece of that defense. My wild card forecast for the Rams is proven valid.

Raymond: The St. Louis Rams last chose a linebacker in the first round in 2002. That linebacker was Robert Thomas of UCLA.

Rick: CBSSports.com not only had Travis Frederick on their Draft Tracker well before Goodell made it to the podium, they already had it rated a "B." #MindReaders

Raymond: Travis Frederick is the sixth Wisconsin Badger selected by the Dallas Cowboys within their franchise history, half of those centers.

Rick: Spoiler: Matt Elam to Baltimore, sez CBSSports.com.

Rick: That is just outstanding how they were scooping ESPN.

Jason: Matt Elam to Baltimore was telegraphed like three days ago.

Raymond: Matt Elam is the first safety selected by the Baltimore Ravens in the first round since 2002. That safety was Ed Reed.

Rick: True, but as you point out, Jason, teams do Swerves (Trademark Vince Russo) all the time. And they had these picks on their Draft Tracker before the announcements! That's risking a real "Dewey Beats Truman" moment right there.

Rick: So ... no Te'o, no Geno Smith, 1st time in decades no RB in the first round, would have been 1st time in decades no Big Ten players in the first round until Frederick came off the board at #31 ... and Floyd tumbles to #23. Unbeevable.

Jason: Jacksonville should be taking a seriously look at Geno Smith at 33.

Rick: That about puts a bow on our Night 1 coverage. Many thanks to everyone in FDH and The 21st Century Media Alliance for being a part of such outstanding and fun insta-analysis.