The Pro Bowl: Official Cure for Insomnia

By Tony Mazur

The Pro Bowl is the NFL's All-Star Game, traditionally held one week after the Super Bowl at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawaii. This game features the best players in the American Football Conference and the National Football Conference, and has been that way since 1970. Many fans tune into this contest, either held on a Saturday or Sunday, depending on the television network, to watch their favorite players against the best of the best.

I did, and now I'm bored.

I consider myself part of the "Madden Generation". What that means is, I want to see high-scoring ballgames. I want to see defense, but a lot of offense is a must. Otherwise, we're bored. But when it comes to the Pro Bowl, we're bored as soon as the kick is off.

I just don't understand the Pro Bowl. I usually tune in to view the sights of Hawaii, the first quarter, and, depending on the score, the final minutes of the game. For me, the Pro Bowl is naptime. 5-degree weather doesn't help, either.

There's no incentive for the players to perform well. It's just a vacation for them. They stand around during extra points. The secondary blows coverage on every pass play. Why should I waste my time?

I'm a big football fan, but unless the NFL can find other ways to keep this game entertaining, I'll take a refreshing three-hour nap.

My Own Madden Challenge

by Jason Jones

As a Fantasy Expert, I felt compelled to put the Madden Video Game to the Fantasy test. Understand one thing, by no means am standing on a mountain top screaming, “I am the greatest Madden player ever”. I know plenty of guys who want to make that claim. This is an exercise in a fantasy application. The results may challenge the cliché that the Madden Franchise is the most REALISTIC sports game ever made.

For the specifics, this experiment was carried out in the Madden 06 franchise mode. This option allows a player to draft an entire team. When I say draft, I don’t mean a two day 7 round affair. We are talking about a 49 round marathon. When the draft starts you have 0 players. Starting from scratch as if all 32 teams were expansion teams. All current players are eligible and no franchise tags and no contract restrictions. Once a team is fully drafted a player goes through training camp and a preseason schedule. Then on to the 16 game, 17 week season. That is where I am in the progression. I am currently ready to start the playoff portion of the season. So, after 16 games the following are the results of a fantasy approach to dominating a football man’s football game. As in regular fantasy sports the draft is critical. One must do their homework and prepare, have a plan or team philosophy in mind. The rest falls into place. Before the statistical results, here is the meaningful depth chart. Not all 53 players, just the one’s that would eventually get quality playing time.

QB’s

Adrian McPherson

Seneca Wallace

Marcus Randall

RB’s

Larry Johnson

Brian Westbrook

Willie Parker

WR’s

Randy Moss

Chad Johnson

Santana Moss

Vincent Jackson

TE’s

Tony Gonzalez

Benjamin Watson

LT’s

Khalif Barnes

Mike Gandy

LG’s

Steve Hutchinson

C’s

Kevin Mawae

RG’s

Alan Faneca

RT’s

Shane Olivea

Shawn Andrews

DE’s

Kenechi Udeze

Vince Wilfork

Keith Washington

DT’s

Ted Washington

Maake Kemoeatu

Brock Lesner

OLB’s

Shawne Merriman

David Pollack

James Harrison

MLB’s

Odell Thurman

Lofa Tatupu

CB’s

Fred Smoot

Nick Harper

Allen Rossum

Leigh Bodden

FS’s

John Lynch

Will Demps

SS’s

Troy Polamalu

Dunta Robinson

K

Adam Vinatieri

P

Bill LaFleur

KR

Santana Moss

PR

Santana Moss

Quite possibly the greatest football team ever assembled. Which can happen for just about anyone if you apply a fantasy football approach to the draft. The draft is the most important part of the season. Just “ON PAPER” as they say, it should be easily discerned that a team of this quality at most if not all positions should be a playoff contender. How far they go is a matter of execution. Or so I thought. You’d be surprised to know how easy it is when you have the right players. Hail Mary’s intended for WR 1 that lands in the hands of WR 3, just as an example. The following statistics will blow your mind. These numbers make the 2007 New England Patriots look about as prolific as a decent DIV 1 college team.

All of the following are through 16 games:

TEAM STATISTICS-

8,401 Yards

7,312 Yards of Total Offense

5,042 Passing Yards

2,324 Rushing Yards

90 Passing Touchdowns

55 Rushing Touchdowns

74.6 Points Per Game

+ 69.2 Point Margin of Victory

Most Points Allowed in a Single Game = 10

Most Points Scored in a Single Game = 127

Single Game Rushing Record = 335 yds

Single Game Receiving Record = 478 yds

Single Game Passing Record = 602 yds

Single Season Sack Total by One Player = 52

Team Interception Totals = 33

Combined Kick/Punt Returns for Touchdowns = 8

Combined Kick/Punt Return Yards = 974

INDIVIDUAL PLAYER STATISTICS

Adrian McPherson-146.0 QB Rating---5,042 Passing Yards---90 Passing TD’s---

3 Interceptions---161 Completions on 233 Attempts---69% Completion %---

21.6 Yards per Completion---315 Passing Yards per Game

Larry Johnson-2,173 Rushing Yards---52 Rushing Touchdowns---191 Rushing Attempts

---11.3 Yards per Carry---135.2 Yards per Game---Longest Run = 84 yards

Randy Moss-2,610 Receiving Yards---46 Receiving Touchdowns---71 Receptions---163.1 Yards per Game---Longest Reception = 71 yards

Chad Johnson-1,074 Receiving Yards---20 Receiving Touchdowns---41 Receptions

---67.1 Yards per Game---Longest Reception = 62 yards

Santana Moss-1,016 Receiving Yards---17 Receiving Touchdowns---52 Receptions

---63.5 Yards per Game---Longest Reception 87 yards

Shawne Merriman-81 Tackles---9 Tackles for Loss---52 Sacks---3 Interceptions---

2 Fumble Recoveries---2 Safeties

Troy Polamalu-68 Tackles---8 TFL---11 Sacks---4 Int---2 Fumble Recoveries---1 Safety

David Pollack-49 Tackles---8 TFL---27 Sacks---2 Int---4 Fumble Recoveries---1 Safety

Nick Harper-46 Tackles---3 TFL---0 Sacks---2 Int---1 Fumble Recovery

John Lynch-40 Tackles---3 TFL---0 Sacks---11 Int---1 Fumble Recovery

Lofa Tatupu-28 Tackles---5 TFL---6 Sacks---0 Int

Odell Thurman-24 Tackles---11 TFL---4 Sacks---3 Int

Kenechi Udeze-23 Tackles---5 TFL---6 Sacks---0 Int

Fred Smoot-18 Tackles---1 TFL---1 Sack---9 Int

Vince Wilfork-15 Tackles---4 TFL---3 Sacks---0 Int

Ted Washington-12 Tackles---2 TFL---6 Sacks---0 Int

PRO BOWL SELECTIONS (17)

QB---Adrian McPherson

HB---Larry Johnson

FB---Mike Alstott

WR---Randy Moss

WR---Chad Johnson

WR---Santana Moss

LT---Khalif Barnes

LG---Steve Hutchinson

C-----Kevin Mawae

RG---Alan Faneca

RT---Shane Olivea

OLB--Shawne Merriman

OLB--David Pollack

CB----Fred Smoot

CB----Nick Harper

FS----John Lynch

SS----Troy Polamalu

REGULAR SEASON STATS AND AWARDS

Record: 16 Wins 0 Losses

Biggest Win: 127-0

Record Holder in:

---Single Game Rushing

---Single Game Passing

---Single Game Receiving

---Single Game Touchdown Passes, Receptions, and Rushing

League Most Valuable Player (MVP) ---Adrian McPherson (rookie)

Best Offensive Player----------------------Randy Moss

Best Defensive Player----------------------Shawne Merriman (rookie)

Offensive Rookie of the Year-------------Adrian McPherson

Defensive Rookie of the Year-------------Shawne Merriman

Rushing Champ-----------------------------Larry Johnson

Best Offensive Lineman-------------------Kevin Mawae

Best Linebacker----------------------------Shawne Merriman

Best Defensive Back-----------------------Troy Polamalu

Best Kicker----------------------------------Adam Vinatieri

Coach of the Year--------------------------Romeo Crennel

Needless to say, if the Madden Franchise of Video Games are SO realistic…Then why is it so easy to rewrite the record books? How is it so easy to beat every team on the schedule by more than 60 points a game? The answer is simple and found in the FantasyDraftHelp.com principles. Value at every pick, player eligibility, balance, in no particular order. Do the homework, be ready for at least 5 picks in advance, know your draft board. All of these things are found and discussed on/at FantasyDraftHelp.com on a weekly basis. As we often say, “there is not a game that we cannot make into a fantasy game”. This is true even for Madden (granted, one must attain rudimentary madden playing ability)

FantasyDraftHelp Insider on www.sportstalknetwork.com every Thursday Nights 9 pm EST

The FDH Lounge on www.sportstalknetwork.com Sunday Nights 8 pm EST

Tune in and enjoy the fun as well as the informative analysis to help you improve on fantasy sports that is unparalleled by anyone (including you Matthew Berry). And the FDH Lounge (is a show that literally has no bounds. No topic too extravagant or too edgy. Case in point, the “I’d Hit That” Fantasy Draft) Join us for the fun.

For Those Football Fans Who Have the Means...

by Jason Jones

Have you taken the time to realize how far we’ve come, technologically? There once was a time when a married man would have to get up at a decent time and run to Home Depot or replace an axle before getting comfortable in front of the tube for Sunday’s games. Remember when you got the games you got and there was no two ways about it. If you wanted to see Colts v. Patriots but your local affiliate was playing Bills v. Dolphins, you were stuck. What about the announce team. Have you ever felt like CBS or FOX gave you the local high school announcers? How about getting your favorite team regardless of geographical location? Those days, at least for me, are long gone.

Introduce the advent, or at least the internet wide popularity of Fantasy Sports. So much for the early Saturdays spent at the Home Depot shopping for ceiling fans and drywall. That time is reserved for last minute Fantasy Football adjustments. Nowadays pre game analysis is a 4+ hour event. Granted, the analysis is cookie cutter bulls@#t. When you really think about it, the only real difference is that John Madden is not smart enough to disguise his obvious comments as well as ESPN, FOX, and CBS personnel. If you’re anything like me, and fantasy wise not many are, you don’t just have one or two fantasy teams to deal with; you have like 10-20 of them. What can I say? I am a draft whore. So by the time I finally finish investigating ALL of my fantasy teams, the pre game shows are wrapping up. I know this because I tend to finish all of the fantasy preparation about the same time that Frank Caliendo makes fun of Terry Bradshaw and how stupid he is. He also does a killer Jim Rome.

Seems like a good enough morning by the time kickoff comes around, but I have also discovered (a great deal late, mind you) one of technologies best inventions. Edison’s light bulb be damned! It’s not the printing press or even the wheel. And for those who are trying to play spoiler, it’s not even TIVO! It is the Sunday Ticket, and for me I get it from DirecTV. Last season, a colleague of mine who absolutely loves the NFL, looked at me funny when I told him I didn’t have it. “HOW DO YOU LIVE!” Basically, if being a sports fan is a romantic relationship, then NFL Sunday Ticket would be the SEX. Most of you who do not have Sunday Ticket are probably thinking, “big deal, so you get to see all of the games that I don’t care about”. Sure that is a valid point. I did get to see a Peterson-less Minnesota Vikings game or an underwhelming Chargers/Jaguars game. A friend of mine, although a huge Browns fan, he was less than thrilled that he would HAVE TO watch the Browns/Seahawks instead of Colts/Patriots. These are the predicaments you just don’t have with The Ticket. Sure, if that was all it was, I would be enough for me but maybe not for you. Let’s be honest, your cable provider or satellite company don’t just add $5 to your monthly bill. The Ticket is indeed rather expensive. It costs enough that it came down to me deciding between The Ticket or a buffet of tailgate food every week, and I am probably still coming out in the negative. As I said, if that was all, it would be enough for me.

The best part, and for you fantasy fans I hope you are sitting down (I guess it would be weird reading a blog standing up). Especially if you only draft one or two teams. Try to visualize this. With remote in hand, by using a multitude of menu options, a prompt will appear that loosely resembles a small and empty depth chart. No possessions, just empty blocks. There are two of these, aptly named TEAM 1 and TEAM 2. On the left margin is an additional menu with each and every NFL team in alphabetical order. By selecting an NFL team, you will be presented with the option of picking any number of players that correspond to that team. For instance, the Patriots would have: Brady, Moss, Stallworth, Welker, Watson, Maroney, or NE Defense yet players like Assante Samuel or Roosevelt Colvin would not be included. Only players you would universally register as fantasy type players would show up. Let’s get hypothetical. And before you think this team would be impossible, maybe you should be using the FantasyDraftHelp.com method….

QB_Tom Brady
QB_Jon Kitna
RB_Jamal Lewis
RB_Adrian Peterson
WR_Randy Moss
WR_Terrell Owens
WR_Braylon Edwards
TE_Kellen Winslow
K__Shayne Graham
D__Pittsburgh

Had that been your team, and this is the best part. Again as odd as it may sound, please remain seated. Your television gives you up to the minute statistical updates in a sports ticker fashion... Just imagine it. You’re watching the Browns/Ravens game and all of a sudden across the bottom of the screen reads: “TEAM 1, Tom Brady completes a 42 yard touchdown pass to Randy Moss with 4:23 left in the 2nd quarter”. Then 3 minutes later, Shayne Graham field goal attempt is good from 43 yards away. Simultaneously, Derek Anderson connects with Kellen Winslow on a 13 yard pass with 0:16 left in regulation. Have you soiled you drawers yet? Now keep in mind, you get two full rosters. Unlimited position eligibility. If you want 5 QB’s, 1 RB, 3 TE’s, and no WR’s…you can do that. I personally just went through and put in the most commonly owned players for my personal fantasy teams. If the ticker concept isn’t enough to sell you on the importance of watching the NFL this way for the rest of your natural life, there is always the TEAM SCORING. That’s right, by pressing the corresponding colored menu button, your entire roster shows up while the game you are currently watching is in split screen fashion. This will allow you to not only see TD’s, but also carries, pass attempts/completions, INT’s, receptions, etc. You can watch every game (or at least whatever game you choose to watch), with regional pre game shows, and up to the minute fantasy scoring updates that you decide based on players that you care about. So, I reiterate, The NFL Sunday Ticket is the greatest invention in the history of Technology.

Even at this age, my mother often says, “what would you do if you didn’t have the internet or cable”? I present, “how do you live without THE TICKET”? Naturally, the obvious answer is, “The Money”. I acknowledge that the price is something that must be addressed. It really is worth budgeting for. How much do you spend on shoes, suits, food, etc? As a sports fan, I encourage everyone to re-evaluate your budget. The NFL Sunday Ticket will in fact change your Sunday, in an ecstatically positive light. Maybe someday, this will be the only way to watch football. Until then, it is an expense I have no gripes about paying for.