Sunday, September 6, 2009

Transcript: Cleveland Indians sell their moves

By Rick Morris

INDIANS PUBLIC RELATIONS FLACK TAD DISINGENUOUS: Thanks for another season of great ink, Will, hoping to see a little more as we move down the stretch.

ESPN BASEBALL WRITER WILL FULLY-OBTUSE: Oh, anything for you, Tad, you know I think that your front office is revolutionizing the very process of building a baseball franchise from the ground up.

TAD: Why, yes, that’s exactly what we’re doing, how bold, perceptive and refreshing that you recognize it so clearly!

WILL: And as always, I appreciate your kind personal comments, Tad.

TAD: Well, we’d appreciate any help you could give in knocking down these vicious rumors that we have been anything short of an absolute organizational juggernaut this year. We know you and other like-minded people in the national media have that kind of stroke; after all, we were actually at the same Vegas odds for winning the World Series as the Phillies on Opening Day!

WILL: I’d love to, I really would, because I fully believe that … but I may have to be a bit careful in how I do that. I’m still taking a bit of heat about the last column I wrote about you: “Forget wins and losses, Shapiro and Company dominated the decade.”

TAD: Careful? Careful’s not going to get these uppity, think-for-themselves peon fans back on our side, pal. We need something at least as strong as your previous effort: “Why wait? Enshrine Mark Shapiro and his whole crew in Cooperstown right now!”

WILL: Well, no offense Tad, but it might take something stronger than another fools-gold surge back to the vicinity of .500 to get permission for that from my editor.

TAD: What? You know what, never mind, I’ll just take this request to Diatribe. Paul Cousineau once gave a favorable writeup to a Chris Antonetti bowel movement – which, in retrospect, probably prepared him well for his praise of the David Dellucci signing.

WILL: No! Don’t do that! I’ll write anything you want! The sell-by date for Carlos Carrasco wasn’t last Thanksgiving! David Huff is the next Tom Glavine! You got [GULP] the best prospects from the Red Sox in the Victor Martinez deal!

TAD: Now, see, was that really so hard?

WILL: After everything I’ve bought so far, no, not really.

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