More thoughts on the Mitchell Report

By Rick Morris

^ It was pretty funny to see George W. Bush accepting the Mitchell Report pretty much without reservation -- not because of Dubya's former ownership of the Texas Rangers -- but because George Mitchell more than any other one man pretty much ran George H.W. Bush out of office. An insanely committed partisan, Mitchell constantly ran rings around the naive first President Bush, who was bipartisan to an extreme fault. Mitchell convinced Bush Senior to break the "no new taxes" pledge during budget negotiations, then used the capitulation as a battering ram to send the old man back to Maine in November of '92. So there was a lot of history between Mitchell and the Bush family that went unnoticed this week.

^ The idea of a "Rogues' Wing" at the Baseball Hall of Fame appears to be an idea whose time has come. Excluding Pete Rose, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and many others for their misdeeds seems a bit over the top inasmuch as we are likely to eventually find that a great many players transgressed against the game at one time or another. Put the players in a separate "shamed" part of the Hall of Fame and retroactively move Ty Cobb (for the scores of his antisocial acts), Cap Anson (for bearing such great responsibility for enforcing the "color line" in baseball), Gaylord Perry (proud admitted cheater) and other jerks and miscreants to this area. Problem solved.

^ The notion that the period from about 1994-2001 (give or take a bit on either end) is unique in the history of baseball -- with these numbers sticking out like a sore thumb in terms of the all-time record -- is historically illiterate. This period of time is much like the 1930s, the days of Jimmie Foxx, Al Simmons and the Phabulous Philadelphia As in terms of the offensive explosion. The game has also gone through periods of extreme pitching dominance. The superlative 1968 season for Bob Gibson and for pitchers as a whole helped to bring about the lowering of the pitchers' mound for the 1969 season and a period in baseball with more balance between pitching and offense. In short, something like "500 home runs" has never meant exactly the same thing in every era. Now, this is not to minimize the effects of PED cheating, merely to point out that the damage done to the game in this respect is not irreversible. We must simply view the numbers of this era through a different prism than for previous times in terms of ascertaining how players fit into the all-time history of the game.

^ Whatever else can be said about the failings of the Mitchell Report and Major League Baseball's handling of it (reliance on informants working for the federal government, acceptance of information with differing standards of accuracy), Major League Baseball is to be commended on a huge scale for embracing the need to thoroughly cover the story on their own website. We saw the opposite end of the spectrum recently, when we felt it necessary to chastise the NBA for initially squelching all mention on their website of the civil verdict against Isiah Thomas and the New York Knicks, and so our appreciation for MLB.com's coverage (including a blog completely devoted to all aspects of the story) is sincere.

Live Blogging: Comedy Central’s Last Laugh ‘07

By Samantha Jones

Last Laugh '07 started off with a pretty tasteless cartoon open that touched on the following subjects....
-Senator Larry Craig
-The iPhone
-Don Imus
-George W. Bush
-George W. Bush wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights
-Dick Cheney
-Osama Bin Laden
-The Soprano's Finale
-David Hasselhoff

The whole open centered around "what's up the president's ass". It was all just one huge gross poop joke. Now, I like poop jokes as much as the next guy, but this was just bad.

Lewis Black did a little opening bit, mostly about the president. He did talk about the disabled veterans not getting their checks, which is were you get the "I can download 13 million vagina's in a minute, but they can't get their checks" joke from the promo.

Cue first commercial break.

The online pole question, "Who is the biggest failure of 2007" was posted by Lewis Black. The choices - Britney Spears, Michael Vick, President Bush, and the Soprano's Finale. My vote? All of the above.

Dave Attell was up next. His subjects of choice were the following:
-Getting older
-Dog the Bounty Hunter saying the N-word
-Michael Vick
-Al Gore receiving the Nobel Prize
-Vanessa Hudgens nude photo

After that, he went into his usual gross stuff, talking about porn and such.

I like Dave Attell. Insomniac used to be one of my favorite shows. He did have a funny moment here and there, but nothing you'll want to quote around the water cooler. This time around, he wasn't really that funny.

Cue second commercial break.

DL Hughley was up next with.....
-How much white people love dogs
-OJ Simpson
-Barry Bonds
-Chinese imports
-the N-word
-Isiah Thomas
-the Presidential race
-Alec Baldwin
-How kids are soft and weak these days
-Teachers having sex with kids
-Star Jones having gastric bypass surgery

Holy crap did he run through a lot of material. It was hard to keep up with how fast he talked. Again...nothing that funny.

Cue third commercial break.

And now, the man I was waiting for...Lewis Black...
-Global warming
-Scooter Libby
-Alberto Gonzales
-Senator Larry Craig
-Michael Vick
-OJ Simpson

They broke up his set with the fourth commercial break.

Aaaaaaand....we're back with more Lewis Black...
-The 2008 Elections, where he said we should vote for Santa
-We need one headline on the front page of the newspaper that makes you "laugh until coffee shoots out of your nose". A headline like "Hippo eats Dwarf".

Lewis Black then dedicated the show to the men and women of the armed forces in an unusual serious moment.

Fifth commercial break...

And the biggest failure was.....George W. Bush. Big surprise.

Back from break, they had podiums set up for a question and answer session. I didn't even bother writing down the questions because most of them were stupid and the answers were not funny.

I'm very disappointed in this year's Last Laugh. Previous years have been really funny, but this year was just awkward. Dave Attell was the drunk perverted guy, D.L. Hughley was the rich black guy who thinks he's still in the hood, and Lewis Black was the angry smart guy. Lewis Black was the the only person that actually made me laugh was Lewis Black. But then again, he could read the phone book and make me laugh.

Overall, the show isn't worth watching.

See you next year!

James Dolan gots to pay!

By Rick Morris

Isiah is guilty! Surprise!!!

Fittingly, though, he escapes personal accountability yet again as has been the case ever since he retired from the Pistons -- MSG is left holding the bag for 11.6 mil and they're not going to take it out of his hide. That money could sure buy you a pretty thorough personnel screening service, but since when has the Garden been interested in that?

Oh, and nice move by the NBA to keep this news both off of the front page and "news" page of their website. What a gutless move by the Association to try the "hear no evil, see no evil" routine as if we all lived in Cold War-era Eastern Europe and they could keep the news from us if they don't mention it. But the Knickerbockers have been league favorites dating back to the frozen envelope and before, so this is predictable but still sad.

Zeke's humiliation is wonderful

By Rick Morris

As long as credulous marks are continuing to populate this world, there will always be somebody stupid enough to give Isiah Thomas professional opportunities. So hoping for his arrogance and ignorance to truly catch up to him seems a fruitless pursuit. But at least the court system is currently providing a venue for demonstrating how vile he really is.

Anucha Browne-Sanders is currently pressing a $10 million sexual harassment suit against Zeke and the Knicks and she is airing a great many idiotic statements made over the years. Win or lose in this trial, Thomas is one step closer to being branded as one of the greatest jokes in American sports over the past quarter-century. What a shame, as he was an outstanding player and leader -- but he'll never be remembered for that now.