Palin haters got no "Heart"

By Rick Morris

Well, the ability of has-beens to gravy-train some publicity off of a happening personality of the day proves itself again ... the, uh, "matronly" warblers from Heart got their Depends in a knot over "Barracuda" being played on stage in honor of Sarah Palin as she was up on stage for the grand finale of the Republican National Convention last night. They had their weaselly record company lawyers send a cease-and-desist letter and they put out a statement expressing their outrage in the quaint delusion that somebody still cares what these '70s refugees think about anything.

That's gratitude for ya! No "Thanks for making us relevant again, if only for five minutes, Sarah!" No "Thanks for associating your hot futuristic image with our crusty, ancient one, Sarah!" Nope, just some "How Dare You!!!" from angry washed-up feminists who hate that time has passed them by and that either of these Pacific Northwest fossils could pass for Old Grandma Palin. No wonder they're PO'd: how many decades has it been (if ever) since either of these hefties could pull a real man like Todd Palin? Actually, maybe that same brand of jealousy is motivating Andrew Sullivan and other militant gays who have an unnatural burning hatred for Sarah ... hmmm ...

If I ever needed another reason to shove an icepick into the temple of some loser in a bowling alley lounge who subjects the rest of us to Heart on the jukebox instead of Rush, STP, the Crue or somebody else who rocks ... now I've got one.