Monday, May 5, 2008

Washington Wiz: team & fans are losers

By Rick Morris

From time to time on this blog, I engage in the all-too-human practice of Schadenfreude. The goody-goodys of the world will disagree, but there's something profoundly satisfying about watching bad people get the short end of the stick.

So watching the pathetic jerks who cheer for, play and cover the Washington Wizards deal with the consequences of their shameful failure is particularly delicious.

Actually, henceforth in this column they shall be called what they really are, the Washington Generals. Three consecutive losses to the man who owns them, Lebron James, have exposed this sad spectacle for what it really is. Actually, as someone who cheered for Kevin Grevey, Elvin Hayes and the Bullets during their '77-78 title run as a small child, these poseurs are a disgrace to anyone who's ever worn the team uniform -- whether in Baltimore or D.C.

Having flamed out twice against the Cavs in the postseason already, the Generals decided to take the lead of their all-talk "Agent Zero" and attempt to trash-talk and thug their way to the second round of the playoffs. DeShawn Stevenson decided to stop being a menace to underage girls long enough to spout off about a man whose smelly used jock he is not fit to carry, namely Lebron James. Darius Songaila decided to gravy-train 15 minutes of fame at the expense of his superior when he cheap-shotted LBJ. And Brenda Haywood continued to snivel about, and play dirty against, the Cavs, no doubt still bitter about the fact that Cleveland didn't want him and he's stuck being a parasite off the efforts of far lesser players than Lebron.

Then there's the media ... wow ...

If ever there was a perfect match between a team's players, fanbase and media contingent, D.C. has it. They're all equally juvenile, all-talk, unoriginal and ultimately, when the final results come in ... completely and utterly hollow.

The overall bush-league tone of these weasels is even enough to cause something completely unprecedented: namely, for me to say anything less-than-complimentary about MVN, the world's first -- and greatest -- sports blog conglomerate. But this sophomoric drivel?

"In the end, I think this series could have gone either way. I’m not saying the Wizards would have won it, but the NBA’s disgusting display of overreaction and inconsistent officiating made this series a glaring example of the NBA’s incompetence. Their bias toward their stars has been talked about for decades and it’s no different now. Just watch this series and tell me different. Lebron James is a great, great player. I think he’s the second best player in the league behind Kobe, but his whining and crying about EVERY play takes away from his talent. These observations should be obvious to anyone not residing in Ohio."

Geez, man, pop a Midol before you write your column, will ya? I can honestly say that that writer is in no way emblematic of the excellence at MVN.

But the most vast stupidity of all in this complete waste of protoplasm known as the Wiz family is evidenced by an alleged sportswriter. Now, having toiled as a sportswriter on and off in my life, I know the suspicion that many athletes have in terms of scribes being nothing more than frustrated failed athletes who joined the profession as a means of jock-sniffing and living vicariously through their heroes. I can honestly say that I've never seen an example, in person or otherwise, of anyone who fits this particular bill.

Until now.

Tom Knott of the Washington Times is quite simply, the biggest syncofant, the biggest know-nothing homer this side of Hawk Harrelson and the biggest worthless sack the journalism profession has ever emitted. He mindlessly parroted the trash talk of his heroes during the series, and then decided that with enough alibis and conspiracy theories, you never have to admit you were wrong:

"Congratulations to the NBA.

It received the outcome it wanted in Tony Cheng's neighborhood last night.

With LeBron James receiving hugs and kisses from the NBA earlier in the day, if not a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates stamped with the Jerry West logo, the Cavaliers played with poise and confidence in defeating the Wizards 105-88 in Game 6.

This is one part of the marquee matchup the person behind the NBA curtain desperately wants: the Cavaliers vs. the Celtics in the second round.

This also set into motion what promises to be a long and possibly worrisome summer for the Wizards, what with the free agency of Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison and Roger Mason Jr.

The game started to get away from the Wizards in the second quarter, when the Cavaliers closed on a 21-7 scoring run to take a 56-48 lead at halftime. Their advantage swelled to 79-64 after 36 minutes.

The Wizards never were able to mount a run, and their season ended in quiet fashion, as league officials would have scripted it.

With the suspension of Darius Songaila, league officials might as well allow James to play in the Popemobile."

Yeah, because David Stern in his infinite wisdom deduced that removing some obscure Never Was/Never Will Be and his piddly point/rebound totals from the Generals' lineup would be the key to Lebron advancing in the playoffs. Nice take, brain surgeon.

And the beauty of it is that all these whiners and criers and conspiracy mongers call Lebron and Cavs babies! THAT is outstanding.

Papa John's was part and parcel of the D.C. crowd peddling lies about Lebron and now to appease angry Cavs fans, they are offering 23-cent pizzas this Thursday in the Cleveland area. Inasmuch as that's about 22 cents worth of ingredients more than they put into their horrible, all-burnt-Boboli crust-and-raw-chunky-sauce hot circles of garbage, I'll pass, thank you very much.

So Washington Generals players, fans and media, you know the routine by now because this is the third consecutive summer you've lived it. Pop a "foty," turn on the TV, kick back and watch your masters, the Cleveland Cavaliers, play deeper into the playoffs than you. And while you're at it, try not to feel too bitter.

Don't hate. Appreciate.

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