Thursday, February 7, 2008

Mittens, don't go away mad, just go away

By Rick Morris

Today former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney suspended his campaign for the presidency, bowing out in deference to presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain. Although I have been very tough on Mr. Romney throughout his run for the Oval Office, today is a day for positive reflection on what he brought to this country during his efforts.

Well, maybe it's a day for some people to speak positively of Mittens. But, if I may quote the great Jim Halpert, "I'm not a perfect person."

Objectively Unfit Mitt
defecated on every American principle you can find during a campaign waged with all the heart and positivity of C. Montgomery Burns. Were it not for the fact that I have an obligation to deliver some FDH programming tonight to our listeners and viewers, I'd be "Slurpin' a Fody" in rapturous celebration at the burst of horror so narrowly averted by our great republic.

To see this pathetic Stepford tool take the podium at CPAC today to deliver a whimpering, Uriah Heep performance babbling about how he loves his country and his party more than himself -- well, that was truly a scene that could bring a tear to a glass eye, couldn't it?

Let nobody be fooled; today marked the first chapter in his efforts to contest the 2012 Republican nomination, which he'll be officially targeting the day after he passive-aggressively finishes off his new "friend" John McCain in November. I fear it's working -- all of the gullible fools taken in by the Flip-Flopping Fraud are shedding their own tears today about what a shame it is that this would-be titan of American history was deprived of his chance to lead this land of ungrateful peons.

Well, let those of us who stood tall at this time of peril warn you jerks one more time: try to foist Wily Willard on us again, and we'll bitch-slap you again. This poser couldn't gain any votes down South once he was exposed as "Mr. $50 Abortion Co-Pay" and if you think the pushback on his attempted coup against the right wing was vicious this time? Ya ain't seen nothin' yet, because you alienated too many decent people to ever get a pass on anything ever again. Whether it be spreading malicious and untrue rumors about Fred Thompson planning to drop out of the race right after Iowa, or cancer-mongering Fred when he got into the race, or posturing like Mike Huckabee was a religious bigot, no low was too low for this crowd. It was really funny to watch the Shameless-As-A-Clinton hypocrisy, though -- whenever they'd do anything particularly vile, they'd smirk and trot out the "politics ain't beanbag" attitude -- but they'd squeal like stuck pigs whenever anyone fought back or used clever tactics, like McCain's abdication to the Huck in West Virginia on Tuesday.

Whether John McCain wins or loses in November, there is no room for the Mitt-Bot groupies to foist their Plastic Phony on us again like they came so close to doing this time. Whether it be Sarah Palin, Bobby Jindal, Mark Sanford or some other bright principled leader, somebody will emerge and marginalize Romnoid because they will legitimately be the great conservative leader he has tried so hard to fool us into thinking he is. The real deal always beats a false replica, so if he couldn't beat a John McCain despised by many elements of the Republican Party? Say goodnight, Irene.

And now The Trust Fund Baby will finally stop spending his kids' inheritance, so they can do something with the gazillions of dollars that keep getting passed down in that creepy little clan. Here's hoping that whatever they do with it, that it doesn't end up as injurious to the U.S. of A. as what their old man had planned.


Mmatters said...

Painful -- Hewitt played the religious bigotry card one last time:


Rick Morris said...

Typical and unsurprising. Trying to shove Mittens down our throats means never having to say you're wrong or sorry.

I didn't make it a major part of my criticism of Romney, just because ignorant people like Hughey will brand you a bigot at the drop of a hat, but having somebody outside of our Judeo-Christian heritage that we've traditionally had in this country was a concern to me. Was there anything he could have said to make me 100% OK with where he was at on that consideration? I'll be honest enough to say probably not (although if he'd not been a greasy say-anything, flip-flopping snake oil salesman, those differences I have with him may not have been a deal-breaker), but he wasn't honest about them, even in his alleged "greatest religion speech ever." He had previously lied about being a Christian (funny, I don't remember any priests doing readings from a third book of the Bible that references some dude in Middle America) and he refused to try in any way to demystify his religion -- it was all fake "we're just like you" stuff. The way he handled his profound differences from the vast majority of us in this country -- well, that was just one more red flag about character in a campaign that had too many of them.

All you need to know about Romney's utterly phony ways came from something I said to our Senior Editor Jason Jones, who unlike me is fairly libertarian on social issues. I said, "He sounded like you when he ran Massachusetts and now he's trying to sound like me and neither one of us trusts him because we both see through him.